Talk:For the Camp Jupiter Archives: Chapter 1/@comment-3389778-20140316205213

Solid opening to a story but there are ways you can make it better.

One is pacing. Things just happen, with no time for the things to sink in. He’s saying his background, sees the hawk/bird whatever, there’s a man in his house, mom tells him to go to camp Jupiter, he goes to Camp and meets two guys and the end. That’s quite a lot of content being forced into an opening chapter. Don’t be afraid to extend the story a bit by adding more narrative.

In my opinion, it would have been better to set up Emil’s and his mother’s story before heading out to camp. All we know about either of them is that they are emotionally strong in some way from facing hardship.

Also there’s the part about skipping the wolf house as Herm below he has pointed out.