The Two Lukes

One-shot, Crackfic. Got the idea on Backbiter6's blog

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My name is Luke Castellan and I love life. Life was good! I lived at Camp Half-blood with some of my bestest friends in the world. All the girls thought I was smoking hot, and I could get just about anything I wanted.

That all changed when my evil twin came to town.

"Ello, brother," he said, taping my mouth shut. He gagged me and stuffed me in a box. He mailed me to Cuba! I don't like Cuba! Cuba is not a cool place to go when you are bound and gagged and stuffed in a very tiny box.

I'm claustorphobic. This was a very traumatic expierience for me.

I was finally freed when my idiot brother came on his pretty little cruise ship for me.

He had been thrown off a cliff by Thalia. And he was in some very hot water. He had awakened Kronos.

If you're thinking that he had awakened the hobo who lives on Forty-second street whose name was Kronos, you were sadly mistaken. No, he had awakened the evil titan lord.

And he had promised his body to him. (A/N: Is evil Luke gay?)

It was nearly time for my brother to complete Kronos' body/spirit/thing.

"Please, brother," he pleaded, "I can't go on. If I bathe in the Styx, it will surely kill me, then Kronos will find someone else, and then the demigods will never know what hit them," he begged.

Despite how much I hated him, he was family, and you never gave up on family.

"Okay," I said, "I will take your place." His blue eyes lit up and he gave me his sword.

I became Kronos. I hated it. But, unless you imagine your wrist as your Achilles heel when you bathe in the Styx, you can't cut your way out. (A/N: Cut across the street! Make it count!)

In the end, Percy gave me Annabeth's knife and I stabbed myself in the armpit. I imagine I looked kind of cheesy, because in all those ancient sword fighting movies, people always just put their swords up their armpits to simulate death.

But I killed Kronos!

And evil twin was okay!

I imagine he's living out his life in gentle bliss.

Elsewhere....
I'm the bad twin!

I got my good twin out of the way.

But good twin killed Kronos.

I ended up dying three weeks after good twin.

Kronos sent an armada of man-eating toast after me.

Who knew toast could be so evil?

There I was, reading a book on taking over the world when something tapped my shoulder.

It was Captain Toast!

He was standing there, with like ten pieces of toast. And they all looked really ticked off.

"Kronos sent us from the depths of Tartarus to seek revenge on you," the Captain said.

"You and what army?" I asked. The toast pieces grew to be like twenty feet tall.

Oh holy corn puff.

They started to advance on me. I grabbed a stick of butter and a butterknife.

"Don't move or the butter gets it!" I threatened. One of the toast pieces started crying. He fell to his knees and pleaded that I don't hurt Britney.

Britney? Who names butter Britney?

"LEAVE BRITNEY ALONEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The toast army shouted. Then the crying toast fell over on top of me.

I suffocated under a giant honking piece of toast.

'''THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! '''