Last Man Standing: Chapter 7

Jean's POV

"DIE SNOOKI!"

I punched the lard-like orange figure in the stomach, and started pimp slapping her face side to side. Next to me, Alex was smashing bottle after bottle on Pauly-D's head, effectively knocking him out. I chopped off Snooki's head and started running, dragging Jean with me.

"Do you think they're dead?" I asked as we ran down the streets of Manhattan, moans and yells screaming behind us.

"I don't think the Jersey Shore is ever going to end..." Alex muttered.

You see, ever since me and Jean passed through New Jersey, the zombified cast of the show Jersey Shore has been chasing us. We've killed almost every cast member except Snooki, who somehow keeps regrowing her body parts. And of course Pauly-D, who is the buffest zombie on the planet. But we knew their one weakness. ''Titty Twisters. ''Of course, it was pretty had to titty twist a zombie, so you can't even imagine how we managed to kill the others.

We turned a desert corner to see Times Square. The trashed buildings and dead zombie carcasses lay on the ground, making it difficult to not get your foot stuck in someone’s chest as you walked through.

There was an estranged scream, and Snooke slammed onto the ground behind us, on all fours like some type of spray tanned mutant dog with humongous boozums (which also regrow when I chop them off). She spit out foam and charged us, Pauly-D following closely behind.

I pulled out a molotiv cockail, chucking it at Snooki's face. Her hair poof erupted in flames, and she holed in anguish. She started rolling in dead bodies, trying to extinguish the flame, while Pauly-D was trying to eat Alex.

<p style="margin-top: 12pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-left: 0in; line-height: 17.25pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; ">I tackled Pauly-D and jammed shards of glass into his face. He started foaming like a rabid bunny, trying to bite my face. I slapped him, hard, and he recoiled by biting my finger.

<p style="margin-top: 12pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-left: 0in; line-height: 17.25pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; ">I screamed, shaking my hand wildy and telling Alex to save me. He immeditely got his sword and sliced off all four of my fingers, sparing my thumb. Blood squirted everywhere, and I started crying hysterically. I scrambled on the ground, hoping to find my lost digits.

<p style="margin-top: 12pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-left: 0in; line-height: 17.25pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; ">Alex hopped off my body, kicking Pauly-D in the balls, and getting him in a headlock. I looked up warily while Alex screamed, "Titty Twist him!"

<p style="margin-top: 12pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-left: 0in; line-height: 17.25pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; ">"I don't have any facking fingers!" I spat back.

<p style="margin-top: 12pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-left: 0in; line-height: 17.25pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">"Do it with your left hand!"

<p style="margin-top: 12pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-left: 0in; line-height: 17.25pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">I rolled my eyes haughtily and grabbed his greenish-gray nipple, and twisted harshly. There was a quiet puff of air, and Pauly-D collapsed.

<p style="margin-top: 12pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-left: 0in; line-height: 17.25pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">"That was fun." I muttered.

<p style="margin-top: 12pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-left: 0in; line-height: 17.25pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">"But where's Snooki?" he said.

<p style="margin-top: 12pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-left: 0in; line-height: 17.25pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">"We barely had time to turn around before Snooki buried her teeth into Alex's neck. I screamed bloody murded and kicked her leg, snapping it in two. She didn't let go, and Alex just shook violently, going through the transformation.

<p style="margin-top: 12pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-left: 0in; line-height: 17.25pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Suddenly there was a loud honking, and I managed to jump out of the way before a truck rammed into the duo. I watched in horror as the random truck rolled over Alex's torso, and then crushed Snooki's head. Orange blood pooled on the ground I stood there gaping.

<p style="margin-top: 12pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-left: 0in; line-height: 17.25pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">A dude hopped out of the truck, who looked a lot like my ex Drake, and said, "Did I kill the zombies?"

<p style="margin-top: 12pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-left: 0in; line-height: 17.25pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">"One of them was my friend. At least you killed Snooki."

<p style="margin-top: 12pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-left: 0in; line-height: 17.25pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">He nodded, as if this was a nromal occurence, and said, "Okay person, you don't look like a zombie, so you're joining our crew. Hop in."

<p style="margin-top: 12pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-left: 0in; line-height: 17.25pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">I looked one last time at Alex's deformed body, and then jmped in the truck, hoping wherever we were going had a lot of vodka."

<p style="margin-top: 12pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-left: 0in; line-height: 17.25pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; ">