Son of Doorways

Hello, I am Ramty Eus, and I happen to be the son of the god of doorways. Which, to be honest, is an extremely stupid thing to be a son of. Some people get to be the children of wisdom, some get the sky, and some get the sea. Me? I get doorways. Brilliant. And the monsters still plan on eating me anyway. Because, to be fair, they are monsters. Admittedly though, my dad does have two heads, which is cool, though I'm glad I didn't inherit that little feature.

Anyway, I suppose I should tell you my story. It's a superb story, but it sucks anyway. Which? Your choice.

Chapter One
So anyway, I was at school. I was a little bored, because the teacher was talking about Maths when really a more interesting subject would be ninjas. I mean, the many weapons of a ninja, the various cultural impacts ninjas have made, the different variations, and why monkey ninjas don't exist in real life. It'd be very educational and very practical in the real world. But no, we were doing Maths. Fortunately, there was a window with this absolutely fabulous view outside, so I was looking through it instead.

"Eus! What's 8438 X 3834?" the teacher shouted. At least I think that's what she said, I wasn't really paying attention and my ears were bunged up. I really should've had a hearing test or something, but my mother chose not to. I would say what she said, but I couldn't quite make it out.

"32351292, miss." I replied. I must've gotten the question wrong, because at that moment the teacher gave me a funny look, and promptly gave me detention. I swear, that question was hard, can't I get a small break around here?

The next lesson was Latin, which I had chosen in this choice thing about what second language we would like to be taught. I thought modern day languages would have no use in this modern day and age, so I picked Latin. I got very good marks in Latin, possibly because it was all written down tests rather than spoken in class.

Anyway, we learnt about the Roman and Greek (because, admittedly, the Romans stole all their gods from the Greeks) gods and I discovered how to write their actual greek names. Which was awesome! There was Ἀφροδίτη, goddess of love (we were learning their greek names because it's hip, y'see...), Ζεύς, god of the sky, and many many more.

So anyway, the school totally blew up! Or rather, some idiot set fire to it. Latin class was on the lowest floor, but we didn't notice until after the door had had its handle heated up from the other side so it hurt instantly on touch. Meanwhile, Science class had burned to the ground, and they were all dead. But who cares, really? No one from my class got hurt, because I did something uber awesome. I just stood up and opened the door with its handle. For some reason the door didn't burn my hand off (or at least, make it really hot) and we all escaped. Oh, yes, while we were escaping the teacher died but he sucked anyway. In the end, I made it out alive, and that's the only thing that matters because its my story. All mine!

Chapter Two: Daughter of Seas
In the science room, things were not well. Ms Restnom had turned out to be a manticore, and had impaled all but one student, who's heritage just saved her. You see, Mary Houf was the daughter of Ποσειδῶν, or in English, Poseidon. Her instincts had saved her from the other students fates. Their blood dripped from where the spikes had impaled them in their hearts. They started off screaming, but now they made no noise. None whatsoever.

Her heritage would've been useful to know, but unfortunately she was only twelve, and like the other gods, Ποσειδῶν usually claimed his kids when they reached thirteen. So eventually, Mary was subdubed, and she was eaten alive. Her feet first, of course. Blood trickling from her legs as they were torn off and the sounds of several small bones and a few bigger ones being crushed. All in all, it wasn't great. She might've screamed, but blood loss has this tricky habit of stopping you from doing anything whatsoever after a while. Not all of us have magic penswords to use on monsters.