Talk:Wherever You Go: Chapter One/@comment-7706769-20130504043722

Wow. Really good.

However, the big gap between each line is kind of annoying. I recommend asking someone to check your work before you post. I found one or two punctuation errors(of course, those can also be from typing too fast). Also, you don't really need to sign every time you work a little on the chapter. All the different signatures kind of make it look like Chapter 1 is broken up into even more little parts or something.

When you suddenly started calling Annalyne "Anna" I had to stop and think, "Wait, who's Anna? Oh, maybe that's short for Annalyne?" And then you repeatedly called her Anne. You should try to  call your characters the same thing, or say something like, "Ariana turned to Annalyne. 'What do you think, Anne?' " (My example sentence is super creative, I know.) Something that often confuses me when I'm reading a fanfiction is when characters are repeatedly called different names.

All of my critisism is purely so you can make your story the best it can be. (And maybe because I'm a Grammar Nazi.) I love your writing style already. I'm already a fan.