Oneshot. I seriously hate Hermes. Suggestions welcome Now complete! Strong PG (don't read if you're not mature enough to see 17 Again). --Sparrowsong 01:34, November 21, 2009 (UTC)

Chapter One

  1. Tell him dumb blonde jokes. (A/N: I'm assuming Hermes is blonde because Travis Stoll and Luke are.)
  2. Nail a singing fish to his throne. (A/N: I've heard that the gods really, really like their thrones...)
  3. Put a whoopie cushion on his throne.
  4. Pee on his throne.
  5. Poop on his throne.
  6. Puke on his throne.
  7. Paint his throne bright red. Make sure it's around "that time of the month."
  8. If you want, while doing #7, you can give Hermes a makeover first so that he looks like a girl. But that is optional.
  9. Mention Luke.
  10. Mention Luke's mom.
  11. Tell him "Hey, Hermes, I slept with Maia! Nice Powerpuff Girls sheets!" And watch his face turn bright red. (A/N: Maia was Hermes's mother.)
  12. Wear glowing green contacts.
  13. Ask him "Why'd you fall in love with that insane woman?"
  14. Ask him about Apollo's cows.
  15. Lecture him about why stealing is wrong.
  16. Use corny pick-up lines on him.
  17. Tease him about how his and Aphrodite's kid is a Hermaphrodite...
  18. While he's napping, wake him up by screaming in his ear.
  19. If you want, you can scream "Hey, Dad! It's me, Luke! I've reformed and I just came to say how much I love you and what a great dad you are!"
  20. While he's napping, draw on his throne.
  21. Draw a mustache on his face with a Sharpie.
  22. Bonus points if it's an Adolf Hitler mustache.
  23. While he's on his laptop, pour coffee on it.
  24. Pee on his laptop.
  25. Poop on his laptop.
  26. Puke on his laptop.
  27. Call him "the dude with the weird hat."
  28. Call him "the dude with the weird shoes."
  29. Ask him why his shoes have wings.
  30. When someone dies, tell Hermes to "stop poking that dead guy in the eye with your funny-looking wand!"
  31. TP his throne.
  32. TP the Hermes cabin.
  33. Fart in his face.
  34. Pee in his face.
  35. Poop in his face.
  36. Puke in his face.
  37. Dye his hair purple.
  38. Yell "Hermes! Grandpa's on the phone for you!" (A/N: His grandpa on Zeus's side is Kronos. His grandpa on Maia's side is (I think) Atlas.)
  39. Ask him if he's the god of telemarketers, too, since they sorta do live by their wits.
  40. If he says "yes," give him crap about annoying telemarketer calls.
  41. Plan a birthday party for little kids. Let them use Hermes as a pinata.
  42. Bonus points if they're his demigod offspring or grandkids (i.e. Taylor Grace) or something!
  43. Even more bonus points if you put instructions in the invitation to bring your own baseball bat.
  44. Lecture him about incest.
  45. When he lectures you about how gods don't technically have DNA and incest is perfectly acceptable to them (i.e. Zeus cheated on his wife/sister (Hera) with his other sister (Demeter), had a kid with her (Persephone), and then had a kid with that daughter, who was married to her UNCLE! (Hades)), act all offended.
  46. Call George "Martha" and Martha "George."
  47. Be obvious about the fact that you're doing it on purpose.
  48. Just stand there and stare blankly at Hermes for a few minutes. When he asks "Can I help you?" begin to cry and say "Why can't you people just leave me alone?!"
  49. When he asks you why you're doing this to him, act like you don't know what he's talking about.
  50. Steal Hermes's underwear and put it on your head. Run around (preferably in front of all the gods) with his underwear on your head.

The End